


Nightmares

by EddiesCouch



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Demons, Emotional, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Nightmares, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Play Fighting, Protectiveness, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Teasing, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:15:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EddiesCouch/pseuds/EddiesCouch
Summary: Based on the Nightmares chat off of The Mammon Way card. Mammon gets some... unusual comfort after a nightmare about the witches.
Relationships: Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 120





	1. pt. 1

Riu held her phone in her hands, watching new messages flash on screen one after the other. It was a good thing blocked messages had no alerts, otherwise she figured the phone would be vibrating her damn hand off. The blocking would be a good time out, I mean, 500 grim for Mammon to actually tell her just what had happened in that nightmare? Saying the witches assaulted him was one thing but self censoring with emojis for her ‘delicate sensibilities’ was too much. Her first knee-jerk thought was that she couldn’t believe he’d try to charge for it but after this long putting up with him she absolutely could. So for now he’d just have to stew a bit. 

_ Now go on and unblock me. … I’ll tell ya a funny joke if you do.  _

_ “Who’s got two thumbs and needs some company?” _

_ “THIS GUY” _

_ “At least gimme a pity laugh, will ya?” _

… Alright so it was going to be a quick stir-fry rather than a slow-cook. If Mammon wanted a pity laugh, Riu would give him a pity laugh alright. “That damn idiot. There’s no hope for him. I bet the reason he’s so fucking stupid is there’s only grim rattling around in that head of his.” she hissed under her breath as, in one fluid motion she rolled out of bed, snatched up her D.D.D, and strode out of her room with such single minded determination she forgot to put on a robe, or at least a pair of slippers. 

Night in the House of Lamentation was always cold. Though it was always dark in the Devildom, night seemed to be punctuated by coldness. Though the stone floor was quickly sapping the heat out of Riu’s toes and she’d begun to cling to herself, Riu barely noticed it past the indignant exasperation burning close to the surface and evidently bubbling over in angry muttering. 

“I’m Mammon and I have dumb-ass disease. I’m so scared and alone, would you help me? Oh I’m sorry, did you think it was going to be easy for you to comfort me? No- 500 grim please and no thanks. He should have just asked to cuddle my wallet. Hell- 500 grim? Is he fucking serious? That’s pocket change! I sneeze and 500 grim falls out- and I don’t even live here! Can he seriously not keep that much together? Some Avatar of Greed my ass. Bastard needs a fucking budget.” On the wings of angry words Riu found herself delivered to Mammon’s doorstep. As she reached for the handle part of her wanted to check her messages and see just how many more he’d sent, but those messages weren’t going anywhere. She could check them later and maybe send screenshots to Satan if Mammon embarrassed himself enough. Now it was time to see just how much of a fool Mammon could make of himself in one night. 

If she was going to do this right, she would have to give him as little notice as possible and move quickly. Taking a deep breath, Riu flung open the door and slipped in, kicking the door behind her and near dashing for Mammon’s bed all at once. “Hey- Riu? Wha-” Three syllables seemed like good enough timing. Mammon had propped himself up enough to face her as she crossed his room only to be met face first with Riu’s flying D.D.D. After the fact, the only thing Riu would regret is that she wasn’t able to record Mammon’s yelp.    
  


“My D.D.D better not be broken!” she said, glaring him down as she made it the rest of the way to his bed. 

“What the hell? You’re the one that threw it! If ya don’t want your things breaking then don’t throw ‘em… Not to mention if you don’t want me breaking. Tch, that hurt.” Mammon winced as he rubbed the spot on his forehead where the D.D.D hit. Looking at his face was enough time for Riu to see the slight redness at the corner of his eyes. “It was all just a joke, I don’t see why you’ve got to be so mean.”

“Ah! That’s right, almost forgot!” Riu clapped her hands together as a rather devilish grin spread across her face. “You wanted a pitty laugh, excuse me, how could I be so forgetful?” With one arm held behind her back, Riu delicately cleared her throat before bursting into half maniacal laughter while pointing at The Great Mammon. 

As the laughter stretched longer and longer, the look of pain on the devil’s face went from slight physical pain, to deep, frosty emotional pain. It was more than being up a creek without a paddle, but with the added cherry on top of someone speed-boating by, waving all the while. “Alright- alright already. Have you gotten it out of your system yet?” Mammon said with a deep sigh. 

“Ooh, so now are you going to short me on my payment for your asshole antics? So this is how you rack up so much debt.” While the laughter paused for a moment Riu’s mocking grin persisted, this time accompanied by a raised eyebrow and arms akimbo. 

A muscle in Mammon’s face twitched at that and he glanced down. In her teasing Riu had nearly forgotten the nightmare that had started all of this. This was a moment where it showed just how heavily the witches and Mammon’s debt to them weighed. Even jokes about debt were liable to ache when he was so tender. 

Before Mammon could answer Riu let out along, slow sigh as she threw the blankets back and flopped down on the bed next to him. “Oi-oi what are you doing?” Mammon went stock still as a tell-tale-blush spread over his cheeks. For all the times he’d barged into Riu’s room and ended up staying the night, they hadn’t been this cozy. 

Riu responded with a smirk “I’m giving you deferred interest for today. Be grateful. ” Taking advantage of the fact that he was still sitting up, she reached over and snatched his pillow away, fluffing it before laying back on it. The theft had Mammon struck and dumbfounded. Riu had a few good seconds to get comfy before it finally processed and his outrage set in. 

“Give that back! You can bet your sweet ass I’m not gonna be grateful for you stealing my stuff!” Mammon said, punctuating with a growl as he reached over her to take it back. He stopped when he saw the grin on Riu’s lips. It was too toothy to be kind and too close to a smirk not to be plotting. Something in his stomach sunk like he’d stepped in it and now that toothy grin was going to snap around him like a bear trap. 

“So,” Riu hummed, her expression was outright stolen off a cat toying with some hapless prey. “You think my ass is sweet?” 

“What?! No! It’s just a- That’s just what- You know! People say that!” Mammon nearly fell back in his flustered panic. The blush he’d had earlier had passed pink and was on its way to cherry red. 

“That my ass is sweet? I don’t know who you think I’m talking to but I certainly don’t hear that every day.”

“No- you have a normal ass! ‘S not my fault you haven’t heard a turn of phrase.”

Riu balked, taking on a hurt expression like Mammon had just kicked her favorite puppy. “Is that what you really think of my ass? That it’s just plain normal? Nothing special about it at all? Flat as a pancake? It might as well be the ass equivalent of white bread? How could you say that Mammon? I thought I was used to your name calling and insults but that’s just too horrible!” With eyes full of glittering crocodile tears Riu faked a sob before turning into Mammon’s pillow. 

“Oi! I didn’t say any of that! That’s not what I’d say at all! Hey now, don’t you start cryin.” The snap had gone out of his voice and instead became putty soft. Tentatively, he reached out and rested his hand on Riu’s shoulder. It proved that fake or not, Mammon couldn’t stand to see her cry. 

With a couple final, hiccuping sobs Riu turned her face out of the pillow to look back up at Mammon. “So then… would you say I have a sweet ass?” she managed to finish speaking before her classic grin broke out. 

Now it was Mammon’s turn to balk for real. Riu wasn’t sure if his heavy blush was for once again implicating that’s what he thought of her, or if it was from the realization she’d been messing with him. He stared at her in disbelief for a moment before letting out a short exasperated yell. “Why’d I even let ya in? I never woulda done it if I knew you were just gonna make fun of me in my own bed. Is that the only reason you even came?” 

“To be fair, you didn’t let me in. I let myself in. See how it feels?” Riu turned over onto her side, propping herself up with her elbow. She looked pleased with herself like she usually did when she riled Mammon up but there was something in her eyes this time that was more of a gentle playfulness rather than predatory. “I didn’t come to make fun of you Mammon, though it is a fun little cherry on top. You said you wanted company, and it seemed like you could use a distraction.” 

Mammon huffed and crossed his arms “Oh, so if I’m not hurting one way I’m hurting another.”

“That’s the ticket. Admit it though, you weren’t thinking about those witches.” The long silence that followed confirmed it. Riu gave him a small smile “That’s what I thought. If you really want me to stop though I’ll grant you mercy.” 

“Tch, I don’t need mercy from some stupid human. I’m the Great-”

“The Great Mammon. Well if you don’t want mercy then, do you want to lay down?” 

“And where am I supposed to do that, you stole my pillow!” 

Riu rolled onto her back and tapped her chest “Right here.” 

Mammon had been starting to ice over but that stopped him in his tracks. Just when his blush had been cooling off it came roaring back like a kindled fire. “You… want me to lay on your chest…” he said it in a voice so small it was hard to tell if it was a question or a statement. 

Trying, and only somewhat succeeding to subdue a smirk at his stunned expression, Riu nodded. She could see the stream of stammering building just below the surface, building like a Mammon geyser. There was a small window of time until his brain processed what she offered and in that time Riu decided to bypass whatever half assed posturing he’d come up with. With decisive motion Riu wrapped an arm around his neck and brought him to her, tucking his head just below her collar bone. The low cut of her pajama tank top left them skin against skin. The feel of both his hair and cheek pressed against her somehow reminded her of the sensation of stroking a lucky rabbit's foot. While she was running the comparison in her head, luxuriously soft with a starry sensation of pure luck, her free hand came up on reflex and pushed into his hair. 

“Oi!” Mammon gasped. 

With a sign that was half exasperation, half relaxation Riu let her arm go slack around his neck.“Oh for once don’t fight it, ok?” 

Mammon scoffed, though it sounded more like a choked sputter, “Look who’s talking. I can’t take that coming from you.”

“Can’t you though?” Riu allowed herself a small, playful smirk as she stroked her hand through his hair. All at once she watched him melt. His body relaxed, his eyes closed, and he made a sound not entirely unlike a whimper. 

“That’s- Dammit that’s just not playing fair.” Mammon grumbled, turning his face into her skin to hide, though the burning blush on his ears gave him away. He could still feel Riu’s raised eyebrows and slight smile still carrying her weight in mischief. If he was ever truthful about it he’d known he’d never escape that expression. Not that he’d want to. 

“You should know by now I never play fair. Not when I can help it.” By now her fingers were idly stroking through the silver strands of his hair. There was a hint of irony in that color, second most valuable to gold. Perfect for the second oldest. Riu wondered if Mammon’s love of money went so far that he wished he’d have golden hair instead of silver. Whatever the answer, she liked the silver best out of all his brothers. 

Mammon peeked out though his words were still muffled against her skin. “Don’t tell me that’s why you always win at poker?” There was a hint of anger in his voice- left over from being a sore loser- and Riu could feel it in the slight scrape of his teeth against her chest as he spoke. It was her turn to flush as the sensation sent a jolt through her. It threatened to send her train of thought down a path it wouldn’t return from, but that’s not why she’d come. 

A few beats too late Riu managed to tug her thoughts away from Mammon’s teeth on the rest of her body like fighting a dog away from a bone. “I won’t tell you then. Buuut, you should tell me what happened in that dream. That’s why I came anyway, to provide comfort for The Great Mammon.” 

That seemed to perk him up. Mammon lifted his head just enough so he could look up at her. The glittering in his eyes told her that he hadn’t seen her roll her eyes as she’d said that. “Oh? So do you have 500 grimm on ya? Which pocket is it in, I’ll get it for you.” Before Riu could respond Mammon began to pat her down looking for the money. His fingers ran from her sides to her hips and back to her belly- tickling mercilessly all the while. 

“Mammon!” was all Riu managed to snap before compulsive giggling stole her breath. She doubled up. Having Mammon lay on top of her turned out to be a mistake after all. Given that she was half his size, all he had to do was rest his weight on her and she couldn’t get away. The best she could do was try and push his chest away but the intense fits of laughter kept her from putting much strength into it. 

Mammon grinned down at her with vicious delight. “All ya gotta do is tell me which pocket and I’ll stop. Orrr… you could always beg for mercy from the Great Mammon!” So this was a stick up- and revenge. 

“Damn it! I will kick you, don’t try me!” Riu said, gasping it out between laughs. Truthfully she wasn’t sure if the kick would be reflexive from the tickling but she sure as hell wouldn’t feel bad about it if it did happen. 

Mammon laughed out loud at the idea and went to tickle harder. “A kick from a punny human like you is nothing to a prince of Hell. Who do ya think you are? VanHelsing?” 

While it might have been true that a kick from Riu wouldn’t do physical damage she could still land emotional blows that would pack a punch. Straining, Riu reached back and snatched the pillow out from behind her and brought it forward to smack Mammon square in the face. “I know you’re just trying to stall- Coward! And Helsing kills vampires.” she was out of breath from all the laughing and her sides ached, but between the call out and the pillow the tickling had stopped.

For a long moment Mammon didn’t move before he let out a pained sigh. He collapsed forward into the pillow, burying his face and wrapping his arms around it. “I know everyone already thinks I’m Mammon the moron- especially for letting some witches push  **me** around. This is just… this is just shit icing on a shit cake. I don’t regret the money, but if I knew it was gonna be like this I wouldn’a done it. Or at least I wouldn’a gone to them. I can’t stand what they do, but I also can’t stand how everyone thinks of me for it. Just thinkin of Lucifer’s sneer when it comes up makes me want to hurl.” 

“Hey, Mammon, it’s ok. After all it’s me, not Lucifer.” Riu reached up, gently wrapping her fingers around his forearm. 

Mammon sighed at her touch. It took a moment, but he gave up his temporary shelter. “Yeah.. I guess you’re right. Though, if I tickled Lucifer I wouldn’t have to worry about any of this since I’d be dead.” Mammon was staring somewhere in the middle distance just imagining it and his voice was grim. 

The deadpan gallows humor caught Riu so off guard she let out a snort of laughter. “Well there’s still time if you really can’t manage it. I don’t think anyone has actually suicided by tickle, but, there’s a first time for everything.” Though she wouldn’t say it, she could already imagine the Darwin Award with his name on it. 

That broke Mammon out of his stare and he gave her a weak smile. “C… Can I lay down again? It-It was nice.. Real nice.”

“Of course. I made the offer, didn’t I?” When Riu smiled, for once it wasn’t foxish or have the mischievous edge more at home on a devil’s face. It had a comforting sort of warmth, like the feel of wrapping your fingers around a hot cup of coffee on a cold day. The unusual softness of her expression made Mammon glance away from her before his blush became too apparent.

He still didn’t look at her as he laid down, or as he curled his fingers around the strap of her tank top. It was just to give himself something to focus on but after he did the only thing he could think on was the feel of how soft her skin was against his knuckles. 

The touch made Riu’s breath catch for just a moment. Showing just a hint of shyness she made to hide it behind a sigh “So, go on, tell me what happened.” To encourage him, and only a little just because she could, Riu brought her hand up to run her fingers through his hair. The half whine, half sigh he made was reward enough for her. 

“Ok, alright, I’ll tell ya what really happened- but if you tell anyone I’ll sell your kidneys!” 

“I won’t tell another soul, Mammon. Scout’s honor.” 

“Some of us don’t have souls-”

“Or you just sold them you mean.” Riu said, pleased with her own joke and smirking to show it. 

“Oi! Do you want me to tell you or not!” Mammon would only take so much teasing. Besides, of course he’d never sell his soul. Granted his brothers were another story. He made a show of lowering his arms, fingers splayed as though he were about to tickle again. 

It was threatening enough. “Ok, ok, I promise not to tell anyone. Status of soul notwithstanding.” 

After settling again Mammon let along pause hang before he took a deep breath and exhaled in a ragged sigh, “Well, here goes…” As he told the story Mammon wouldn’t meet Riu’s eyes. If there wasn’t a frayed thread on the strap of her shirt before hand, by the time he finished he was worrying at one with enough focus to unravel the whole thing. 

Contrastingly, Riu’s fingers had stilled in Mammon’s hair. She didn’t realize it but she was holding him to her now. Technically the witches hadn’t actually done that to him, well as far as she knew, but the level of stress it took to dream assaults was a crime of its own to Riu. Despite the fact that he’d gotten himself involved with the witches, she still felt terrible for the mess he’d made for himself. And… it would be a lie to say that there wasn’t something both possessive and protective towards Mammon. Whatever Riu would call that something, it roiled at the thought of someone laying hands on him that way. 

Riu didn’t look down at Mammon as she spoke, but her fingers began to gently stroke through his hair once again. “Hey Mammon. The next time the witches call you, would you bring me along?” 

“Pfft, are you serious? After what I just told ya? They would chew you up and spit you out.” He said, rolling his eyes. 

“I thought you’d have more faith in me by now, Mammon. You always act like I’m a roast trussed up for dinner skipping into a wolf den every time I walk out the door.”

“That’s because you are!” 

Riu shook her head “I’m not that fragile! Sure I’m not a demon prince of hell like you love reminding me, but I’m not a weakling either. I’ve held my own with all of you idiots and worse and I’m still here. All ten fingers and all ten toes still attached. So you don’t have to be alone! You can rely on me to have your back, just like I know you’d have mine.” 

When Mammon went silent, then began to shake, Riu had thought she’d done something wrong, but when he finally looked up at her with dark red cheeks and glossy eyes she got it. “Th-... Th-That’s just because we all like ya. J-Just like a cute dog or somethin’. Don’t go getting cocky or anything… but if you’ve really got your panties in a twist about comin… not letting me go a-alone… I’ll let you come. It’ll be a real pain but I-I.. I’ll keep you safe.” 

Here he was, trying to play it off like it was a chore. Sometimes it made Riu so exasperated she wanted to trap him in a corner and slap him, then kiss him- half to see which hurt most and half so he’d know how it felt.

“Of course you will. You promised me you would be there the next time I was in danger.” Riu wondered if Mammon knew how far that promise had carried her. What it meant. “When I first got here I felt entirely alone and it was like danger was breathing down my neck every second of every day. Especially with your brothers outright threatening me or warning me of what some other demon would do. In those early days I had bravado, sure, but I was writing checks my ass couldn’t exactly cash if push came to shove. There was a lot I had to swallow out of fear. You know how that shame feels, and it’s something I hate more than anything. 

After you told me that you would save me the next time I was in danger, it was like I could breathe again. No more stealing knives from the kitchen and sleeping with one eye open. I could stand up for myself and mean it because even if I was running head-long into trouble I could call you. I don’t think I’ll ever flinch again while I’m down here. It’s only fair that I lend you some of my bravery since I have it because of you.”

Mammon was able to hold back for approximately three seconds before tears were coating his cheeks “D-Damn it. I’m totally fine, it's just dusty in here all of a sudden.” 

“Uh, huh.” Riu said with raised eyebrows. Internally she was memorizing his blushing, tear streaked expression so she could tuck it away for later. Before Mammon could wipe the evidence away Riu caught his jaw and pulled him close enough to lean in and kiss away his tears. Her lips were soft against the tops of his cheeks. Mammon’s arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace as he relaxed into her. 

“That feels nice…” 

“Hm, good.” Riu smiled against his cheek as she kissed away another tear. “Crybaby.” 

Mammon nipped at the bottom of her jaw, eliciting a surprised squeak. “If  **I** decide I want to eat you there’s nobody who will swoop in at the last moment to save you.”

“You’d never do it. You’d get lonely the second I was gone.” Riu’s smile didn’t break as she leaned up to kiss his forehead. 

“Maybe.” Mammon said with a huff, though something gave the impression he wasn’t quite upset. He nuzzled against Riu’s throat despite his brattiness and let his eyes slip shut. Maybe she could count on him to be tame, just for her. 

Still tucked around him, Riu let her eyes close as her fingers found their place in his hair once more. With one last yawn she let her eyes close and settled in for sleep. 

“Wait- Did you say you stole knives from the kitchen?”

“Goodnight, Mammon.”


	2. pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the Devildom a human can still pack quite a punch, especially if it's to protect the stupid, boneheaded demon she cares about. One of Mammon's witches comes calling for him, but she's about to find it's Riu who will come knocking- out some teeth.

The next time Mammon was summoned Riu made him keep his word. That ended up including making him nearly a half hour late as she rushed around the house but refusing to explain why- only insisting she find just the right knee length coat. 

When they’d finally showed up, the witch’s house was just like Riu had imagined. Everything was resplendent in a way that made it seem like the house had been pulled out of Devilgram’s top posts. Nearly every surface was covered with decorative magical knick-knacks with geometric designs- because they were also made of crystal. What looked like a real unicorn skull sat on the middle of the table, mouth agape with the lower jaw filled with candy. The whole room was illuminated by an enormous crystalline chandelier that put out light that somehow glittered? The thing that truly put a cherry on top was the rainbow-chrome cauldron bubbling away over the hearth. 

In Riu’s estimation it was ungodly levels of tacky. The sort of ungodly that couldn’t even be misconstrued here to be a compliment. Despite Mammon’s best efforts to act natural, all while hiding Riu behind him, the witch was not stupid. 

“Who’s that?”

“What do you mean, I don’t see anybody.” Mammon said, beginning to sweat bullets. 

Riu didn’t bother trying to keep it up and stepped out from behind him. 

“Oh sweet Cerberus! A human! How’d that get in here? It musta stuck to my shoe when I went to the bathroom.” The quality of Mammon’s shock was at once over the top and flat as cardboard. 

With all the words Riu could muster with a glare she asked him if he was really insinuating she was toilet paper, right at that moment. It did not help his sweating. Ignoring him entirely, Riu continued on. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me, allow me to introduce myself.” she took a slight bow, both hands tucked behind her back. When she rose up, she did not provide her name but instead hefted the long, spiked metal bat she’d hidden along the length of her coat. It had taken more running around than she’d expected to find a coat that could hide it fully, but in that moment the work paid off. 

While the witch was still stuck mid gasp, Riu swung, cracking the bat against the unicorn skull and sending candy flying with bits of shattered jaw. The bat continued its arc to crack through the marble coffee table. In the time afforded to her by that shock, Riu continued tearing around the room with the grace of a dancer. An oil portrait of the witch was slashed to ribbons and its golden frame crumpled. Leather bound books flew through the air as the bat splintered their bookshelves. Rare precious stones were launched from their display cases amidst the glittering hail of broken glass. Succulents screamed out as only plants can not as they were dislodged from their geometric monochrome planters. It was a ballet of destruction, and Riu was the prima ballerina. 

Riu had been so lost in the revery of destruction that the witch’s shrieking had simply become the high note in the orchestra of cacophony. She heard Mammon’s raucous laughter though, and it spurred her on. The grin on her face was sharp and sweet, like the sound of a breaking chain. Riu swung her bat with the ease and elegance of a swan beating its wings. As anyone who has been victim of a swan attack knows, their violence is dedicated, merciless, and vindictive. Riu was no different in those ways either. 

As the witch’s keening shriek finally cut off, Riu paused with her bat still raised above her head. Slowly, she turned and looked at the witch with all the malice she could muster. The woman was shaking. Riu could hear the clacking of her acrylic nails against one another from across the room. “Mammon!” The witch yelled, shock making her voice shrill, “I’ll make you pay for all of this! I’ll add it to your debt ten times over.” 

Mammon had been busy enough trying to get his surprised laughter to settle. He had the same sheer joy on his face as though he’d been given a surprise party and the cake was full of grimm. It evaporated at the witch’s threat and the laughter shriveled in his throat. “Oi! You can’t do that!” 

“Oh Yes. I. Can.” she hissed, fingers curling into fists. 

Riu rested the bat against her shoulder and turned fully to the witch. “No, you really can’t. Afterall, when Mammon took out that loan he didn’t sign anything about taking on debt for strangers, did he? It would be like asking him to pay for a tornado destroying your house and I might as well be a force of nature if you piss me off. Say, Mammon, I know you, but have you ever seen me before?” she asked, bouncing the bat as she spoke. 

Mammon caught on and shrugged, “Nope, never. Just because whoever this is blew in when I left the door open sure as Hell doesn’t mean I’m about to fork over more grimm to you.” 

“You can’t just let her come in and destroy my house! I just bought that unicorn skull! I was going to use it for an enchantment and it made such a cute candy bowl! Helena was going to love it! She is not going to love this mess!” the witch was coming out of her shock and getting angry now. 

“Too bad.” Mammon said throwing his arms up like there was nothing he could do. 

Riu brought the bat down in front of her and caught a smooth portion of it in her free hand. “I’m going to tell you how things are going to go from now on. When Mammon’s payment is due he’s going to come, give you the money, and then leave. No more joy rides with him or Go-his credit card. He is not  **_your_ ** demon to push around. I’m going to see to this because now that the door is open as Mammon put it, I’m going to tag along when I see it left open, and when I do, if I have gotten even the slightest hint off the breeze that you or any of your pathetic gaggle of debt-holding friends have touched a hair on his head, I will destroy everything you have. I will break your life into little tiny bits as soon as you snatch so much as a crumb. If you try to force more debt on Mammon, it will all become imaginary. The money won’t matter because I will destroy whatever you touch faster than you can buy a replacement. It will be pissing into the wind if you try to take from him, but hey, if you try me I would turn this… pretty house of yours into a vanilla scented junkyard for you to be queen of and you could make yourself a crown out of broken glass. Assuming you could still afford glue.” 

See, while daddy had been busy busting kneecaps Riu had been watching and learning with each swing. She’d decided long ago she wasn’t going to go down that road, but damn it if she hadn’t learned how to pull a racket. As she’d explained the situation, calmly, but firmly, she’d advanced on the witch, staring her down and managing to get all five feet of her to  _ loom _ somehow. 

Mammon had never seen any of this out of Riu before. Sure she would snap at the brothers with one threat or another when they said something that could, well, was threatening- but he always assumed it was just for show to get them to back off. Like a cobra flaring its hood, only he never expected this one to actually bite. Let alone bite on his behalf. It was enchanting. It was almost enchanting enough to distract him from the witch taking her wand out of the pocket of her dress, but not quite. “Riu, down!” 

The call gave Riu just enough time to dodge to the side behind the remains of a leather settee as a blast of energy left a smoking hole in the carpet where she’d stood and filled the room with the smell of burning plastic. At the end of the day, Riu was just a human, not a sorcerer or a witch. She didn’t have solomon’s spell to let her call on Mammon’s power. There was no special power that could aid her, and she was just as breakable as everything else in the room compared to the witch and Mammon. But, if she let that attitude stop her, she would have been eaten in her first week down here. 

Only mostly desperate, Riu looked around for anything she could use. One of the display cases had fallen over the settee when Riu had smashed it and while she’d assumed everything in it was broken, now that she was on her side she could see something had rolled under the settee. It was a stone about the size of an orange with the unevenness of a natural pearl. It glowed from the inside in a way that was unmistakable starlight. Riu grabbed it. She had no clue what it was but her gut said it was something important. It was all she had anyway. 

“You ok.” Mammon had come in next to her and helped pull her back up. There were crystal shards imbedded in her jacket and bloody scratches across her hands. Mammon hissed when he saw, “Why do you have to be such a klutz?”

“Hey- I still have my ass intact, give me credit.” Riu grumbled and turned to find the witch with her wand trained right on her chest. Reflexively Riu held up the pearl as if she were going to smash it. 

The witch’s eyes went wide, first with hope, and then with rage. Her perfectly curled hair had gone frizzy in the minutes it had been since they got there and now she looked wild. “Give that back you little bitch! You’ve ruined enough! Just set it down carefully and I’ll roast you like a chicken instead of turning you into one.” 

Riu only picked up her bat, eyes locked with the witch. She screeched in rage, stamping her foot into the carpet. When she broke out of her small tantrum, the witch turned to Mammon. “Mammon! I’ll forgive your debt if you kill that little worm right now!” 

Riu felt like the breath was kicked out of her and she couldn’t inhale. Dying for this felt a bit extreme, but that wasn’t what bothered her. In retrospect it seemed stupid, but Riu had never considered the money like this. She didn’t know what level of debt Mammon was in, but she knew how afraid he was and how much power that number had over him. How much was she worth to Mammon? Hadn’t he joked about selling her on the black market? There must be a price in his head. The question was if that number was less than the pain he felt from that debt around his neck. 

Riu expected to feel him. A hand on her shoulder or her back to say ‘I’m sorry, but I have to’. When it didn’t come she slowly, achingly, turned to look back at him, and he was gone. Suddenly Riu was seized by the feeling of her stomach dropping out from under her, like she was falling a long, long way. The air in the room felt suddenly heavy and her eyes flicked back to the witch, thinking it was some sort of magic. 

The witch had her hands full it seemed. Mammon was there in his demon form, pinning her to the wall with one hand like she was a doll. The other was wrapped around her own that held the wand, his thumb braced against it forcing its tip up towards the ceiling. Riu hadn’t even seen him run. One moment he was beside her and then next he was across the room. The space around them had suddenly gained its own gravity and it was all centered around Mammon. It was like the floor had been torn away dropping them out into open space next to a black hole that was Mammon. The heaviness surrounding him was so absolute it even crushed the sounds of the room into silence. 

“Hey,” Mammon asked, bright blue eyes boring into the witch as he looked down at her through slit pupils. “You’re joking right? You must have been joking. You think that was funny or something?” his voice wasn’t loud but it was far too quiet in comparison to the crushing force that was enough to send their skin crawling. 

“Let me- let me go.” The witch pleaded. All her entitled anger had been snuffed out like a candle in a hurricane. She had been playing with a tiger that had never been properly motivated to bite until now. 

The dead line of Mammon’s lips tilted up in a smirk that did not meet his eyes. “Now that-  **_that’s_ ** funny.” The pressure intensified and all around the room the remaining intact items began to burst or shatter, popping one by one like lightbulbs on on a surge. The cauldron frothed, spitting out green foam that hissed under the pressure. 

“If you hurt me,” the witch said in a voice that struggled not to die in her throat, “the others will come after you and it’ll be so much worse.” for such a small sound there was so much fear in it. Riu was certain the only reason the witch was upright was because Mammon was holding her up. Even across the room it was painful standing without her knees giving out so Riu could barely imagine being next to Mammon then. 

If that woman was using the energy she could tear away from her fear to threaten Mammon, then either she was incredibly full of herself or the threat actually had teeth. Given the reason they were there was because of how afraid of them Mammon was, Riu was inclined to believe the latter. 

“Sure. I’d like to see them try. They’d only end up like you.” Mammon’s thumb twitched against the witch’s wand and her eyes widened. Every time a witch cast a spell her wand grew in strength, infused with the magic of the casting. There was a point if a wand was used often enough for long enough where it would become almost unbreakable, no matter what it was made of. This wand, which had been an heirloom, snapped under the pressure of Mammon’s thumb. 

Though his display of power explained his status as second most powerful it was not going to help the situation. Mammon was never known for his self control and all that pent up rage made for enough kindling for a bonfire that could burn quite a few bridges, towns, and possibly some forests too. If he couldn’t stop himself from lighting that fire then Riu had to be the one to throw some water on him. 

“Mammon, she gets it. This is enough! You’re going to cut this shit out right?!” Riu found herself yelling but it was only to get over the roar of blood in her own ears from the pressure. She’d stared down the witch from over Mammon’s shoulder as she said the latter half, making eye contact. For a flash of a second there was resistance, but as the witch looked at her wand she began to nod quickly. “See? We did what we came here to do. All she’s got now is a destroyed living room and a broken toothpick of a wand. Let’s go home!” 

Mammon didn’t move or speak, but from behind Riu couldn’t tell if he was just thinking of if her words hadn’t registered at all. She stared at his back trying to get some sign and when she saw his fingers begin to tighten that was all she needed. Riu dropped her bat, not having to hold up its weight felt like a release on its own, and put all her strength into a step forward, then another. It was so hard to move with Mammon’s power bearing down on her and it was only more difficult the closer she got. In her head there was no stopping though. There wasn’t a second where she debated her own strength, or the safety of getting so close. She would reach him and stop him. 

By the time Mammon was in reach she was breathing hard and there were dark starbursts in Riu’s vision. One more step and she was right behind him. “Mammon,” her fingers trembled with the strain as she wrapped her arms around his stomach and pulled as much as she could “let’s go home.” 

It seemed like so little but it was the limit for Riu. It was hard to breathe with all that force pushing down on her and the black starbursts in her vision became spreading pools. She let her head drop forward to press into Mammon’s back. “Please, Mammon.” 

All at once the rain of pressure stopped. Riu heard herself gasping in tandem with the witch as breathing became easier. It was quickly followed by the rasp of the witch sliding down against the wall as Mammon dropped her. Riu could feel her own legs begin to give out from under her but before she could hit the ground Mammon turned in her hold and put an arm around her. 

“Shit, are you alright? I didn’t hurt you did I?” All of the blind rage that had been in Mammon’s eyes was gone. Instead it was all overflowing worry for her. He turned to her fully and cupped her cheek while he tilted her head, looking for signs of injury. 

Riu laughed and was surprised at how weak the sound was. She felt like she’d just sprinted three miles and her body wouldn’t stop shaking. Still, all she could really feel was relief. “I’m fine, Mammon. Really. I told you- I’m not that fragile.” she gave him a reassuring smile and it melted the worry from his face, replaced by forced calm.

“Good, right. I wasn’t that worried anyway.” Mammon said, looking down and clearing his throat. “I just would have been in some deep shit with Lucifer and Diavolo if something happened to you, y’know?” 

Riu did  _ know  _ and she tried to give him a look cutting enough to say he wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all her. Though since her brain was still desperate for its oxygen fix she wasn’t entirely sure it wouldn’t just come off as intense squinting. “Suuuuure.”

“Can… Can you  **please** get out of my house?” Both of them turned away from each other and down to the witch lying in a crumpled heap where she’d slid down the wall. It seemed like she’d caught her breath and from the looks of things didn’t have any major injuries. Riu only hoped she wouldn’t find a way to take it out on Mammon more. 

“Oh, right.  _ That  _ at least I’m happy to do.” Before Riu had the chance to say anything about it Mammon scooped her up in his arms bridal style. Mammon indulged himself since he couldn’t possibly only use one hand to hold Riu- and kicked the door open. It was possible he made sure to use enough force to bend all the hinges right off the frame and could have shattered the lock but who could say for sure? 

They had only just cleared the witch’s yard when Mammon to laugh. It started as one or two giggles he could smother, then snickers that forced him to bite his lip, but he couldn’t suppress the howling laughter that came after. 

It was infectious and even though Riu had no clue what he was laughing for, she found herself chuckling along with him. “What’s that about?” 

“You,” Mammon said, looking down at her. “That was incredible. You were amazing. Did you see the look on her face when you first started smashing? It was like she swallowed a frog.” another fit of laughter had him and he swung her in a circle while holding her close. “I thought she was going to age ten years on the spot just from shock. Who’da thought a little human would come in swinging like that?” 

The moment Mammon called her a ‘little human’ Riu began to bristle but with her good mood the best she could manage was to pout. Mammon took one look at her expression with puffed up cheeks and stern eyes before he threw his head back and laughed harder. “After all that you’re really going to call me a little human? Maybe I shouldn’t put the bat down so soon. I think this little human could make some damn big dents in your car.” she growled. 

“You look like a bear grinding your teeth like that.” Mammon got the last few chuckles out of his system before he turned back to Riu with a soft look in his eyes. “You’re right though, you’re not just a little human.” 

“Damn straight!” 

“You’re  _ my  _ little human!” Mammon said, beaming at her with the gentle sweetness of the sun at dawn. 

Riu reacted to that light like a vampire might, but thankfully she only metaphorically burst into flames. “God DAMN IT Mammon!” she tucked in and rabbit kicked him, catching him in the chin, “I am not-” 

Mammon caught her foot, pulling up while simultaneously dipping her low with the arm he held her in. “Ya know… you’re gonna have to hit me harder than that if you want me to stop.” The steady way Mammon looked into her eyes gave Riu the impression that they weren’t talking about the same thing anymore but she didn’t have much time to think on it before Mammon kissed her and she couldn’t think of anything at all. 

It was a kiss with the confidence of a split second decision; the sort where opportunity doesn’t give you a chance to debate, only to fall into something wonderful. Mammon’s lips were soft against hers, but firm, insistent. It felt so overdue that Riu could hardly be angry. Her hand cupped his cheek as she pressed into the kiss only to feel him growl against her lips. It sent a shiver of anticipation down her spine that took her entirely by surprise. Riu was already off her feet, upside down, but only now did she feel knocked off kilter. 

Taking it as hesitation Mammon pulled back, “Ah.. I can’t believe I’m doing this but… Thanks, for doing all of that for me… and for stopping me back there. I just snapped and, as good as it would have felt, if I had done anything worse my ass would have been toast.” 

“This would be a lot more meaningful if I was right side up.” Riu’s brain was still playing catch up and by the time it arrived, huffing and puffing, that was the best it had. Internally, just when she finally caught her breath- she began screaming at herself. 

“Oh, right.” Mammon tipped Riu back up and readjusted her in his arms. “Hey… I don’t think you were dipped for that long, are you- are you blushing?” When he’d first noticed his eyebrows had gone up but it wasn’t long until he was staring down at her with a smug smile. “I guess it makes sense, you were kissed by The Mammon. Anyone would be flustered by that most girls would swoon-”

Riu almost immediately wanted to kick him again. Hearing him talk down to her like he didn’t fluster as easily as a schoolgirl- The  **one** time she was caught off guard, the  **_one_ ** time! She grabbed the collar of his coat in a fist and for the split second he had Mammon’s smile slipped. His eyes widened like he thought she was going to hit him, but she had worse planned.

Riu pulled him into a kiss far rougher than the gentle one he’d given her. She took her anger out on his lips, biting down until he whimpered for her. In his demon form she couldn’t really do him much damage, but that only gave her more room to play. By the time she was done Riu wanted him twice as dazed as she’d been. When she pulled away he had a starry look in his eye and a deep blush that gave her the feeling of a job well done. 

The grip on his jacket relaxed and Riu patted his chest “Let’s go home.” 

“Mmmhm. When we get there can we do more of that?” The hopefulness in his tone made her laugh.

“It depends on how mad you make me.” she said in response, though her smile didn’t give any indication whether she’d do it again if he made her  _ more _ or  _ less _ mad.

For once Mammon caught on and he gave her a brilliant grin. “I’ll just have to do my best then.” With that he spread his wings and took off for the House of Lamentation. 

They were almost home when Riu remembered what she’d shoved in her pocket. After a moment of careful fishing around she pulled out the pearl, still shining brightly. “Hey Mammon, do you know what this is?” 

“Huh?” He’d been mostly focused on flying at that point and glanced down at her hands. The sound that came out of him was like a strangled goose smacking against a wall. Riu was about to ask if everything was alright before Mammon caught his breath again and burst out in a flood of maniacal laughter. 

“Ohhh man! I knew there was a reason I liked you, Riu! Do you have any idea how rich we are right now? That could fill a bathtub full of grimm! I feel like a soak right about now too!” If Mammon had his hands free Riu was certain he’d be rubbing his hands together as she watched him laugh. “You fleeced that witch for everything she had! I’m only sad I won’t be there to see her face when she realizes this is gone. I’m going to do so much shopping, I was just thinking my tv was too small to do me justice. But you know, first I’m going to go to the casino and double- no- triple the money. Then we could fill a pool in gri-” 

Riu’s expression had grown into a glare that Lucifer would be proud of. She looked Mammon dead in the eye as she took the pearl and chucked it right over her shoulder. It fell down through the air and into the city below, disappearing completely from view. 

All at once Mammon went ghostly white and let out a shriek that would have made a banshee jealous. “No! No, no, no, no, no! Why did you do that!” There were tears starting to form in his eyes. 

Riu still stared him down but she was entirely unmoved. Shrugging, she explained, “If you were just going to take it to a casino you were going to lose all the money anyway. Might as well cut out the middleman and let some lucky schmuck find it out on the street. That’s a better fate for it than having you slowly lose all its worth until you’re deeper in debt.”

For a long moment Mammon was completely silent as he flew. “You’re lucky I like you too much to drop you.” 

⚸

By the time they got home Mammon needed some time to mourn his lost almost-fortune. Riu was happy for a moment to rest and had just set up near the fireplace with a mug of tea and a book Satan had recently lent her. Reading was becoming one of her favorite pastimes while in the Devildom, but the night had other plans. 

“Ah, Riu. I was looking for you.” Lucifer asked as he approached. His face was taught as he smiled and it didn’t reach his eyes. Riu usually saw that expression whenever he was dragging off one of his brothers to do who knows what. Someone was in very deep shit. 

It took every ounce of willpower and ability to bullshit for Riu to keep a calm, straight face as she looked up from her book. “Were you?” 

Lucifer nodded. “I was down in the torture room and somehow my bat has gone missing. It’s unmistakable. Metal with a fabric wrapped handle, square shaft lined with spikes. Very distinct.”

“Well… that’s a shame but what does that have to do with me?” Riu asked, taking a sip. Her grip on the mug was like iron to keep herself from twitching. She didn’t know who to thank out there that the flatware was designed to resist demon-strength so she wouldn’t shatter it out of force. 

There was a slight pause as Lucifer eyed her, looking her over. It reminded Riu of a wolf sniffing for sign of blooded prey. “I got word that one of the witches Mammon is indebted to had her house destroyed. It doesn’t even take a half rate Sherlock like Satan to figure out who did it. I thought that bat would be just the thing to punish Mammon with, but now I want to know where that bat went. After all they don’t just grow legs and walk out of locked rooms on their own. I was wondering if you had any idea where it went.” 

Internally Riu was sweating. Rarely did she interfere with Lucifer’s punishments- mainly because she agreed with them- but this time it wasn’t right. Really she wasn’t even sure if he was trying to guilt a confession out of  _ her. _ Even if it was her turn for a dose of Lucifer’s torture, she couldn’t sit back and say nothing. “That’s terrible she had her house torn up, but I can’t really say I’m sorry for her. What she and her friends do, it’s too much. If you wanna blame someone you could call it karma. You know I’ve always felt that Mammon should have to clean up his own messes, but we both know he doesn’t have this sort of thing in him. I don’t think he’d even think of it on his own. He’d run before he’d get violent…” she trailed off right as it clicked why that was. Just a little bit of his power could hurt so many so easily.

Riu shook it off and continued, “Mammon didn’t destroy her house, but if he did I think he’d be well within his rights. He can’t just get pushed around forever. Besides, if you really want proof right now he’s too busy crying over his latest get rich flop. Really he bullies himself enough for everyone.” It took a controlled effort to keep her tone easy and light. She gesticulated with her book like it was just another conversation and actually managed to get herself to relax in her chair. 

Lucifer’s cool gaze was no less dissecting but after a few beats he nodded. “I never expected you to try and convince me not to punish Mammon. I honestly would be less surprised if you asked for a front row seat.”

Riu shrugged “Don’t get me wrong, usually he deserves it and his whining is amusing. Just this once is all I’m saying.”  _ please just this once.  _

“Alright, if you feel so strongly about it I’ll indulge you.” Lucifer said as he took a seat on the opposite arm chair. “If you tell me why you took the bat.” 

Riu was amazed her clothes were still dry and her clothes weren’t soaked with sweat. With the amount of will power it took to keep her mouth shut and not ask how he knew Riu might as well have just gone and bitten her tongue off to save her the trouble of ever having to answer. “What would make you think it was me? Your brothers can’t seem to figure out anything that doesn’t stir up shit meanwhile I’m lucky if I can get a single day to sit and read.” Riu forced her voice into exasperation and held up her book to him as proof that she could only ever want quiet. “Do you really think I’d go out of my way to go looking for trouble like that?” 

“Riu…” Lucifer sighed and crossed his arms as he relaxed back. He looked torn, but there was still a sharp edge to the expression in his eyes. This wolf was not going to let her out of the forest so quickly. “Since you came here, you have been nothing but trouble. Bad as my brothers were before, since you got here it’s been like throwing six cats into a pool filled with catnip and at the end of the day I’m always left unhooking someone from the ceiling fan. You are smaller than I would have expected for an agent of chaos but don’t think that makes me blind. You’re spending too much time around Mammon if you think I’m as stupid as he is. 

“And to answer your question, I deduced that it was you because many of my implements had been moved, just slightly but distinctly… noticeable. It was like someone was trying them all out and neither Satan nor myself need much time deliberating. There were also skidmarks on the floor from a storage box leading under the bat’s hook  _ like someone was too short to reach it on her own. _ ” 

The condescending tone of Lucifer’s voice made Riu seethe and all her nerves evaporated in a flashfire of rage. There was no question she was in deep shit but by the end of it she would tear that smug expression off his face by force. 

“I still can’t figure out why you did it, though. You know you’re going to be punished, not just for stealing but for breaking in in the first place. If you tell me why I might go easy.” Lucifer looked at her like he had her trapped. Like he wanted her to beg for mercy. 

Remembering what she’d told Mammon Riu straightened. She stared Lucifer down with a look that could cut through steel. “It was for self defense. Sure I might sometimes need a step up but I stand on my own two fucking feet, damn it. I’m not about to be pushed around by every demon I meet and take it lying down. That goes for you too.” Riu stood, setting down her book and tea, which had already gone cold. She walked over in front of Lucifer, still glaring him down and bristling. “Now come on, let’s just get this over with so I can get back to my book.” 

There was more than enough pent up rage and frustration for her to sell the lie. Lucifer’s goading had just added fuel to the fire until there was so much feeling behind it, it was hardly a lie. Whatever Lucifer chose to use out of all those weapons she picked through Riu would bear it for Mammon, because she wouldn’t betray his feelings of shame, and because she wasn’t a damn snitch. 

To her complete surprise, and probably Lucifer’s, he actually looked chasined. She had shocked him into silence and it took Lucifer a moment to untangle himself from his surprise as he rose. Riu searched his face as if she could read his thoughts through his eyes like subtitles of the mind if she only looked hard enough. She wasn’t sure if he was ashamed she felt that way when he was supposed to be responsible for her, or if there was something else going on, but Riu was surprised to find a measure of respect in the way he looked at her now. 

That only meant so much as it was an effort not to startle as Lucifer rested his hand on Riu’s shoulder. He turned her down the halway and began to walk with her. “I forget sometimes that it’s not easy for you down here.” Riu wasn’t sure if the delicacy in his tone irritated her or calmed her. Before she could decide he finished, “I will do my best to keep a better eye on you so you won’t have to be on edge. Though if you can stand up to me when you’ve gone and lied like that I think you’ll be alright.” Lucifer squeezed her shoulder and gave her a slight smile- just enough for Riu to wonder if he knew  _ just _ how much she’d lied. If there was any warmth meant in the expression, it only left her feeling colder. 

The room Lucifer brought her to was not the torture room Riu had broken into. Instead, it was an office. An office loaded with paperwork. There were boxes lined up on the floor and stacks on both of the desks. “I’m… confused.” Riu said, though her feet refused to move past the threshold so part of her mind understood. 

Lucifer laughed and it only rustled her jimmies more. “Did you think I was going to have you on your knees while I gave you a lash for every lie you told me? If you were any other student I would do it without question, but given the requirements of the exchange program-” namely that being maimed by the student council president was bad, Riu thought- “your punishment will have a different tack.” He pulled her into the office by her shoulder and forced her down in the chair. “You are going to help me go through the quarterly expense reports of every single club, sports team, group, knitting circle, and tea meet in the student body. You are only getting up from this seat when every paper has been processed, or when I give you permission.” 

Immediately Riu tried to get up and found Lucifer’s magic bound her to the chair. She was half ready to bolt with the chair still attached to her but she couldn’t get it to lift off the floor either. 

“The more time you waste trying to get away the longer you’re going to have to be here, you know.” Lucifer didn’t even look up at her as he took a seat at the opposite desk and began to work. 

Staring at that sea of numbers on each page, Riu found herself wondering who had been the bigger idiot, Mammon, or her?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Generally while I'm writing I have an outline of things I'd like to happen but beyond that it often feels like the story is telling itself to me as I write. Sometimes this ends up with stories very much according to plan, and others it ends up with stories that break into my home and mug me after chaining me to my desk and compelling me to write. When I thought 'oh that chat ended with a really good line' and got that image of Riu first marching in to Mammon's room I certainly DID NOT intend for it to turn into something over 10K words long. I don't know whether I should apologize to you or demand gratitude for the 4 AM writing sessions. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it even if it's not as straight forward. I also apologize for that summary. I'm terrible with them and I can only get something out if I put myself in the mindset of a used car salesperson.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, gentlefriends. I hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing. Writing this was interesting because I in no way expected it to turn into a 42 hundred word fic. I thought it was going to be something short and sweet, but it turned out to be something longer and more sweet and sour. I also started writing an epilogue at the bottom like I did in my last fic that I intended to just be a couple paragraphs, but things happened and long story short I went to bed at 3:30 am last night and this fic is getting a part 2. That's the joy of writing. You never really know where things will end up. 
> 
> If you have any suggestions for tags to put on this fic please let me know. I'm still new to this and it's hard enough to come up with titles let alone tags. Any help is greatly appreciated. 
> 
> P.S. (P.P.S??)   
> I promise you I wrote the VanHelsing joke before the Vampire pop quiz came out.


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